One of the biggest pieces of healing a broken heart is experiencing closure. However, sometimes closure doesn’t come immediately after a break up. This I know from very recent experience.

This past weekend was my birthday, my first one being single in the past three years. It was such an incredible celebration for me. I spent time with the most important people in my life that I am so thankful for. I ate the best I’ve probably eaten in the past month. Smiled and laughed constantly. I did everything and saw everyone that I wanted to. By the time the weekend ended, I was exhausted, but I was happy.

After our break up in July, I was curious to see if my ex would reach out to me on my birthday.

He did.

I was pretty bent on the fact that he wouldn’t. I honestly didn’t believe he’d let his pride down long enough to even think about what day it was. Apparently, however, he thought about it enough to send me a “Happy Birthday, I hope you’re doing well” text message.

It was a nice, yet weird memo. It was the first conversation we’d had since December. It began short, sweet and purposeful. We caught up casually and told each other that we’ve just been intensely busy with school.

Then, he moved on to the nitty gritty.

Essentially, he shared with me the fact that he missed me, made a mistake and apologized for all the crap he put me through, but didn’t “expect me to respond or care.”

I did both.

In my response, I said that I was not upset or bitter about the way things ended, and that I wish him the best in his new endeavors. It was as genuine and from-the-heart as I could make it without being incredibly emotional about it.

It was an abnormal experience. Not only did it happen completely unexpectedly, but it happened. I wasn’t ready for it. Partially, because I never thought it would happen.

With uncanny long messages and pictures of old things he found in his room that he messaged, emotions began to waft throughout my body. At that moment, I truly saw the situation as it was. Done.

Things ended up changing between the two of us. That epiphany hit me in a way I never anticipated.

Through this experience, I discovered that closure comes at its own time. No matter how well you think you’re prepared for it, you can never truly brace yourself for that moment. And occasionally, those ending moments come even, in my case, nine months following the termination of the bond.

Moral to the story? Be prepared to not be prepared. Understand that life throws you weird, unprecedented curve balls, no matter how long the time that has passed.

However, I have one piece of advice that’s bigger than just not being prepared. In that moment you will most likely become weak. Your emotions will be uncontrollable and thoughts will swim around your mind, recalling all of the laughs and things that you loved about that person. This is the time to make sure that you remember why you are now where you are in life. Why the two of you are no longer together and, although you miss those memories, that’s all that they are now. You are better without that person. When you’re mind is flooding and overwhelming you with emotions, battle back with conscious logic.

The beginning is always the most magical.

You’re learning about each other, flirting, going out on the best romantic dates possible and constantly having a weird smile on your face with butterflies in your stomach. But we all know that after several months that spark the excitement in a relationship can start to plateau.

Your relationship begins to become a routine and you notice some paradigms and the thrill of being together starts to die down. You realize that every Friday night you do the same thing and silence starts to grow between the two of you.

This scares some people. So much sometimes that it actually pushes them out of the relationship and causes them to give up. This is the period where you truly see what your feelings about that person are sincerely based off of. When you can just sit with someone in silence and still feel just as happy as you did when the two of you were pursuing each other, that’s when you know that you doubtlessly care for that person and how they make you feel in the deepest parts of your heart.

“It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking,” Nicholas Sparks, novelist who is well-known for his romanticism, said.

Most importantly, recall that this type of issue can be avoided from day one of your relationship. Be certain that you care for the person for who they are, what they offer intellectually and emotionally. Be consumed with every little piece of them. The way they walk, talk and laugh. The way they just exist. And here’s the hard part, do all of this without having a thought to change a single thing about them.

If you’ve never felt such a way with that person, be honest with yourself as well as that individual. Don’t waste any more time or emotion and start taking the actions in order to move on. I know that is easier said than done and break ups can be difficult, but at the end of the day, it is appreciated, as long as it is communicated delicately. Honesty is normally admired, no matter the situation.

But what if you’re just in a rut and you still desire to be with that person? The first action to climbing out of the pits of boredom is by acknowledging the fact that the two of you are caught between blasé walls. Bring it up to your partner that you feel that things have become too humdrum or comfortable.

Then, go change it. Decide on things to do that would seem out of the ordinary in comparison to the rest of your relationship and become daring together. Try new things as a couple. Take the extra steps to keep the adventure and emotion going and growing.

When you are out of things to talk about, leave some space. Don’t stay in constant contact with your partner and actually let things happen during your day so you can catch them up on it later at dinner or the next time you see them.

My dad always taught me that everything in life should have a healthy balance. In most cases, he’s absolutely right and I try to translate that into my every day life. And in this case, perfect harmony in a relationship is essential.

Spending too much time with someone can lead to disinterest or irritation by that person. On the other hand, you’re obviously in a relationship with them, so act like it. Share things. Tell one another about your day, what your plans are for the coming days and whatever else you deem fit. Master the equilibrium of your bond. Realize when’s there’s too much of the two of you and when there hasn’t been enough. In this way, you should find a healthy, pleased and successful connection.

An alternative title for this editorial could be “Why I’m sitting locked in my office while I hope no one finds me.” As a fraternity man, I get involved with a lot of community service and philanthropy events. Sometimes voluntary and occasionally, extraordinarily involuntarily. My particular fraternity’s biggest event by far is Derby Days. There is a lot that goes into it I won’t bother explaining, but one aspect of it is the four “Derby Daddies” who are required to wear a derby hat all week that rival sorority team members must try to steal to earn points. I thought I wanted to be a Derby Daddy this year as one of the graduating seniors. I thought wrong. Being chased across campus by sorority girls is far more terrifying than I care to admit. That being said, it is all in good fun, and the money raised over the week all goes to support cancer research, which is absolutely fantastic. JU used to have a community service requirement for students to complete before they were allowed to graduate. 50 hours of working in a soup kitchen, helping out at the local library, or even volunteering at the YMCA. Although this graduation requirement is a bit of a roadblock for me, as I still have a few hours to complete so that I can graduate, I still support it and am happy to do them because I know it makes for a better community. Fortunately, the new ECHO program will also involve doing some community service, which I think is great. It is very important to remain civic minded and get involved with different beneficial programs. And while we have a service learning center here on campus, something I don’t see often enough are available service-learning opportunities being advertised. The only ones I can recall are a trip to Disney for some community service and the spring break study abroad opportunities. While these are both very worthwhile opportunities, they also involve a financial commitment, as well as a travel commitment. I think that it would be beneficial for the service learning center to post some other available opportunities to the different message boards around campus. Getting up early on a Saturday morning to serve food to the homeless at a soup kitchen is not my favorite way to spend my weekends, but it is certainly rewarding. Even if you don’t have a community service requirement to fulfill, I suggest taking a trip to the service learning center in Gooding to see what opportunities there are to help out around the Jacksonville community. Some of my favorite places to Volunteer: St. Francis Soup Kitchen Habijax Tree Hill

Most of us have dealt with heartbreak before. Personally, I think it hurts worse than any physical pain one can endure. I’ve broken a bone, pulled muscles, sprained limbs and so on. A heart ache, though, is unlike any other affliction. It’s a long and complicated healing process that varies from person to person.

So, how do you get past a broken heart?

The answer is that there isn’t an answer. Everyone is unique as to how they cope and deal with certain situations. However, I do have some recommendations that can help you to lead into the right direction of a happy heart once again.

First things first, cry. Get angry. Think of all the great, lasting memories that you had with that person before it all went swirling down the drain. Be miserable. Drown in your sorrows. Let every single last emotion out and drag it onto the table and out of the inner pits of your being.

Once these emotions are on the table, write it out. Form and organize these feelings into words by journaling. Whatever you think, no matter how silly, desperate or pathetic it seems, scribble out your heart and transcribe them into black and white.

Write what you liked about the person, what you disliked, what you’ll miss, what you won’t miss, how they made you feel, how they didn’t make you feel, the characteristics that they had that you would like your next partner to have, which ones you would not like your next partner to have and so forth. This will help to put all of your thoughts and feelings in order so that you can narrow down and thoroughly understand how it is you truly feel.

Also, it’s good to look back through as a reminder, especially on those days that seem to be hard to remember and all you want is to be back with that person. Re-visiting this list post- heart break will remind you how far you’ve come and how much stronger you are after that trial in your life.

During the process of writing your heart out, you naturally should begin to do some deep soul searching. Once you write down what you didn’t like about the person or what you look for in a significant other or we’ll have you, you’ll begin to notice who you really are and what you really want. Your wants and needs in a lover have been tapered more to your ideal person and your standards have been raised. So when you meet someone that gives off a red flag that is similar from someone in your past, (hopefully) you’ll turn away and never look back or try to relive that again. Think of it as a growing pain.

Now, let’s talk about the fun part.

Get out and get your mind off of things. Have fun with friends and family. Try new things that you never would have before, like exotic foods or going to a museum that your ex never wanted to go to. Embrace the freedom of being independent, single and young. Having the ability to answer to no one but you is exhilarating and care free.

However, being distracted from the realities of life can be a great thing; just don’t go overboard with it. That’s where some people go wrong. They start to ignore the actualities of the real world and nothing gets better, but in turn actually gets worse. Deal with your emotions, problems and setbacks as soon as it gets thrown at you and never hesitate to journal even months after the break up.

With the increase of technology and social media it’s very easy to stay in constant communication with anyone, anywhere and at any time.

However, there are those that abuse this luxury.

As a young woman, I like the feeling of being pursued by a young man who, for whatever the reason, has seen some sort of interest in what I have to offer.  It’s flattering. But there are boundaries and there’s a technique on how to “get” someone without totally driving them crazy.

Basically I’m asking you to not become too clingy, too pushy or, well, just flat out aggravating. And this goes for both sexes.

Here’s the scenario:

You are out with friends on a Friday night, having a great time. Some of your friends invite their friends, so there are new people intermingled in the crowd as well.

You notice someone in particular; they’re attractive, funny and embody, from what you can tell from the short time of knowing them, the characteristics and traits of what you would want in your significant other. The two of you hit it off immediately, or so you think, and then you exchange numbers before the end of the night.

The next day you text the person you met the night before all day and everything seems to be going well. Then you begin to notice the response time in between messages starts to become longer.

You continue to send them duplicate text messages (just “in case they didn’t get it the first time”) or call them and so on. After a few days or a week goes by, you realize that the person has started to show less and less interest.  And eventually you no longer hear anything back from them.

The verdict? You’re a “Code 5 Clinger.”

A “Code 5 Clinger” is described as “anyone who doesn’t get the idea that the person they want, wants nothing to do with them,” according to urbandictionary.com.

So, what went wrong?

In this case, it’s all on you. You chased that person way too hard, to the point where you just chased them away and they’re not coming back.

In order to avoid this, I would recommend to not text, call or message anyone more than twice. If that person doesn’t respond after the first try of getting in contact with them, try once more. Please don’t ever exceed three. That’s when you get annoying.

If you call someone and they do not pickup, you can shoot them a text saying something like, “Hey, just giving you a call to see how you were doing and to see if you wanted to get together sometime soon.” But that’s it. That’s as far as you are permitted to put yourself out there.

If by a couple of days later you still haven’t heard from them, that’s when it’s all right to re-attempt to get in contact with them one last time. By giving them a call or sending them that message you have just put the ball in their court and it’s their turn to make a move with it, if they so choose.

Ideally, you should only put in as much effort as the other person is putting in (we’re talking about at the beginning stages, not when you’re dating or doubtlessly together). You don’t ever want to be that person who seems desperate or helplessly head-over-heels with this person, at least without confirmation that it’s reciprocated.

Spamming someone by social media or other means of communication normally leads to that person feeling agitated or weirded out. Thus resulting in your actions not working in your favor and doing the exact opposite of what your true intention is.

As a disclaimer, I’m not saying that if you follow these guidelines everything will work out perfectly and the next person you meet and talk to like this will end with a “happily ever after”.  I am saying that these instructions could help you move in the right direction with possibly the person of your dreams.

The truth is, if someone doesn’t seem to be interested it’s for a reason. And sometimes that reason is something that you cannot control, so don’t beat yourself up about it. Always remember to be yourself no matter what, to never change for anyone and to never lose sight of who you truly are.