One of the biggest pieces of healing a broken heart is experiencing closure. However, sometimes closure doesn’t come immediately after a break up. This I know from very recent experience.
This past weekend was my birthday, my first one being single in the past three years. It was such an incredible celebration for me. I spent time with the most important people in my life that I am so thankful for. I ate the best I’ve probably eaten in the past month. Smiled and laughed constantly. I did everything and saw everyone that I wanted to. By the time the weekend ended, I was exhausted, but I was happy.
After our break up in July, I was curious to see if my ex would reach out to me on my birthday.
I was pretty bent on the fact that he wouldn’t. I honestly didn’t believe he’d let his pride down long enough to even think about what day it was. Apparently, however, he thought about it enough to send me a “Happy Birthday, I hope you’re doing well” text message.
It was a nice, yet weird memo. It was the first conversation we’d had since December. It began short, sweet and purposeful. We caught up casually and told each other that we’ve just been intensely busy with school.
Then, he moved on to the nitty gritty.
Essentially, he shared with me the fact that he missed me, made a mistake and apologized for all the crap he put me through, but didn’t “expect me to respond or care.”
I did both.
In my response, I said that I was not upset or bitter about the way things ended, and that I wish him the best in his new endeavors. It was as genuine and from-the-heart as I could make it without being incredibly emotional about it.
It was an abnormal experience. Not only did it happen completely unexpectedly, but it happened. I wasn’t ready for it. Partially, because I never thought it would happen.
With uncanny long messages and pictures of old things he found in his room that he messaged, emotions began to waft throughout my body. At that moment, I truly saw the situation as it was. Done.
Things ended up changing between the two of us. That epiphany hit me in a way I never anticipated.
Through this experience, I discovered that closure comes at its own time. No matter how well you think you’re prepared for it, you can never truly brace yourself for that moment. And occasionally, those ending moments come even, in my case, nine months following the termination of the bond.
Moral to the story? Be prepared to not be prepared. Understand that life throws you weird, unprecedented curve balls, no matter how long the time that has passed.
However, I have one piece of advice that’s bigger than just not being prepared. In that moment you will most likely become weak. Your emotions will be uncontrollable and thoughts will swim around your mind, recalling all of the laughs and things that you loved about that person. This is the time to make sure that you remember why you are now where you are in life. Why the two of you are no longer together and, although you miss those memories, that’s all that they are now. You are better without that person. When you’re mind is flooding and overwhelming you with emotions, battle back with conscious logic.