Photo by Grace Singer

Imagine a car going 110 miles per hour and then suddenly crashing. That’s how my ACL injury can be thought of. My basketball momentum was full speed, and I was ready for the season. Expectations were high, and I knew exactly what I planned to do this year. I set so many goals! I was ready and pumped.

Then all of a sudden out of no where I was blindsided by an accident that threatened to tear apart my as easily as my anterior-crucite ligament.

When I think about the brevity of life, I can only be reminded of a singular great insight that stuck with me throughout  my journey of tribulation: Nothing is promised or guaranteed; things come and go in your life. Only internal things last forever.

I never dreamed in a million years that one summer afternoon would change my life forever, but it did. I honestly can’t say that what has come from this tough experience has not been completely negative. Neither will I say that through it all I haven’t developed a thankful heart for the trials in my life. It is a process.

My ACL injury happened while I was playing “open gym” over the preseason time period. I remember it like it was yesterday. My teammate Jess passed me the ball and I was going in the middle for a jump shot when my knee turned to the left and forced me to give out and fall on the ground. I knew something was wrong because I couldn’t move my knee and it swelled up immediately. As I rolled on the ground, all my teammates and coaches crowded around, including the trainer. I tried not to cry because when I get hurt I usually never cry, but this time was different. The tears just came out.

The funny part about all of it looking back was the fact that I wasn’t supposed to play that first game that I got hurt. However, I was called in due to another teammate not being ready.

Tearing my ACL was and still is a tragedy that tormented me both mentally and  physically. The pain that is experienced through rehabilitation sessions and even outside of rehab is unspeakable. The anguish from not being on the court and playing my heart out for my parents, coaches and, most importantly, my teammates is great.

However, from all my pain I learned one very great lesson: When you loose something you gain something. I do not believe in coincidences, but rather that everything in life is purposeful, even when we can not see the total picture.

I decided I could look at my situation two ways. I could see my pain and loss as a way to produce character, help other people get through the same pain and even look at it as a refining stage in my life. Or I could look at it as a situation that would leave me bitter, down in despair and, worse yet, hopeless.

It was quite easy for me to grow angry because what I once had I had no longer. What I once did I could do no longer. My skills, craft and effort couldn’t be produced in that specific time period anymore. However, I learned that a lot of times we are capable of more than we think, and most times we are capable of making it through tough situations when our mind tells us we should give up. We possess more power than we might think. It just isn’t revealed until we are tested. It’s like a diamond; the more pressure it receives the more valuable and beautiful it gets.

So when I say only internal things last forever, I am speaking of things such as character, strength, joy, peace, happiness… These things no one can steal from me. If I get hurt I can still find joy and peace. It’s a choice. It’s all perspective. And I decided to look at my situation differently. I had to open my eyes and see what was really happening instead of being blinded by my current circumstance.

The physical things like basketball, which are the things that I do, can be  quickly robbed.  I see the difference now: Basketball is not who I am. It is what I do. So if it leaves my life, I still go on. No one can ever steal my smile no matter what happens to me.

In truth, basketball was a major part of my life being that I was a full time athlete who practiced everyday and had games every week. The basketball season is basically all year round, so I never slept or rested when it came to playing basketball.

I have participated in basketball since the age of 8. I played travel basketball all while in high school and eventually got recruited by JU.

That’s why when I stopped playing basketball because of my injury it was so weird.

When I found out my injury was an ACL tear, I tried so hard not to breakdown and cry. I remember my trainer Jena told me hesitantly in the training room as I was sitting on the table. I was praying so hard before I actually read what the tests results indicated. As she gave me the paper, I read that I had multiple abnormalities. I knew immediately it was bad. There seemed to be a MCL tear and a LCL as well in my knee, but when they tested it again they said it was only my ACL.

My trainer, after reading the test, asked me if I needed a minute. I needed more like an hour to cry my eyes out and breathe. My heart was pounding and I felt the tears rushing to my eyes. Man, it was hard because I knew, Jena knew and the people around me knew. It was over. My season was finished.

I don’t know how I did it, but I sucked it up.

“No I don’t need a minute. I’ll continue with rehab.”

I cried many nights and shed many tears because it hurt not playing with my team. It was a major loss that I will never forget. It was weird waking up and thinking to my self, “I don’t have to practice or play. Wow.” Truthfully, still to this day as I walk in the gym I still can’t believe I’m not on the court balling it up, dropping buckets and breaking peoples ankles. I was a really good player. However, I have a different role now, and that role is to encourage my teammates and be happy for them even if I’m not playing, and believe me… that’s a tough job.

The most pain I suffered was rehab. My knee was totally stiff after my surgery and I had to get it back into motion. I cried in rehab and screamed the majority of the time. I laugh when I think back at all the headaches I put my trainer through, unintentionally though. I told my trainer, “Don’t take anything I say to you personal because I don’t really mean it ok.” I really like my trainer. It was just the pain of her pushing my knee back in place when it didn’t want to move talking. I did rehab every day, and the tactics that they incorporated worked to get my full range of motion back so that I could walk normally.

Everyday when I walked out of rehab I thought, “How am I getting through this? How can a person take this much pain physically? Is this right?” But it made me stronger mentally because I feel like I can go through any type of pain now that I made it through the fire of the first stage of rehab.

Dr. Lucy, a doctor out of JOI, performed hamstring surgery on me in October. They took a little part of my hamstring and used that as my ACL. My dad actually came to help me out after my surgery because I couldn’t move anything. I was on crutches the entire time, and it felt like pricks of needles down my leg once I stood up for anything. Some people gain or loose weight. Fortunately enough, I lost weight naturally because my left leg lost all its muscle.

Today my scar and leg is healing nicely. Consequently, I can walk normal because there is no longer pain in my knee. This whole experience was a rough ride, but it has taught me numerous lessons. I would never want to do it again, but I can say that when I look back many years from now I can see the rewarding benefits through my character. I always try to stay positive because negativity sucks. Honestly, I do miss basketball and actually sweating and working hard. I’m still hoping for at least one game toward the end of the season. That would be amazing!!